Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
