Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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