sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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