Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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