I didn't shave. On purpose
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
