Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
