I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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