I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
