Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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