At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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