We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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