it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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