I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
