i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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