Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
