I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
