i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have tasted many bathrooms
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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