similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
