My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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