I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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