I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
