You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
