she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got inside last night via doggy door
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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