It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
