I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
