shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am available for nakedness
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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