She went from zero to smokin in five shots
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
