That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
