we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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