She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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