Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
