oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Sext me about skeletons
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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