I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
