I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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