If i come over, it means nothing
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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