There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
