ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
