just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
