writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
