I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
