so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
