the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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