she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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