just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
