Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
