the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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