I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
