new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
