Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
