either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
