hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
