At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
