Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
